So, here’s the story. While we were chatting about possible blog ideas, my friend and fellow blogger Margaret Reyes Dempsey over at Conjuring My Musechallenged me to compile a list of Top Ten: Movie Characters With Fur. After we’d finished laughing our asses off I gave it another thought and decided to accept the challenge. Why not? After all, who doesn’t appreciate a bit of fur now and then? As the English weather becomes more and more frosty, I’m starting to wish I had some fur myself. Does that make me weird?
So, without any further preamble, here are my ten favourite furry film fellows. Enjoy, add your own favourites, and if anyone has any more outlandish suggestions for future Top Ten lists, then by all means send them to me through the Contact page. I’ll consider all challenges!
10. Dr. Cornelius
Planet of the Apes
Archaeologist, historian and mild-mannered ape. Dr. Cornelious is one of the good apes on the familiar looking planet; filled with talking apes that regard humans as a lower species to be kept in zoos and treated as slaves. Dr. Cornelious, on the other hand, regards humans as a lower species to be studied, prodded and patronised in order to prove his zany theories. The fact that he delivers his zany theories with a well-spoken, English accent can only be a good thing. Everyone knows English accents make you sound smart.
Dr. Cornelious is conservative and likes to wear his fur in a standard swept-back style, seemingly popular among the ape population. Clearly, hairdressing is not one of the trends that the apes picked up from their human counterparts, unlike clothes, guns, and gasping in awe at Charlton Heston’s sweaty manliness.
Man’s best friend no more, Cujo is feeling a little under the weather and it’s really pissing him off. There is nothing like an inconvenient case of rabies to really screw with your doggie day, and this sickly pooch is going to take it out on anyone who happens to cross his line of sight. I mean, we all get a bit grumpy when we’re ill, right? However, we don’t all maul people to death, attack locked cars, and murder the local sheriff just because we have a bit of a sniffle. But you get out of the car and tell Cujo that. Let’s see Cesar Millan put his mojo on this canine and keep his throat attached.
Cujo is (barely) living proof that having lots of thick, lush fur doesn’t necessarily make you cute. Nor does it necessarily make people want to touch you, especially if your thick, lush fur is matted up with blood, sweat and rabid drool. Ewwww. Bad doggie!
The Jungle Book
Baloo is like a furry version of The Dude from The Big Lebowski. In the Wild Kingdom, this bear is the King of Taking it Easy. Let’s face it, he didn’t cultivate that impressive waistline by playing sports and hitting the gym every day. Baloo likes good eating, good living, and shaking his furry booty to some jungle rhythms. If this wasn’t a Disney movie, you would suspect that habitual use of recreational drugs played a big part in this guy’s life. Would you want your kid hanging out with him?
Baloo apparently has no interest in personal grooming. He gets up and goes out without a glance in the mirror. His fur is scruffy, there are a couple of loose hairs atop his head, but the guy’s got class and knows how to carry it off. The ladies love the rough look, but Baloo doesn’t seem to be interested in a relationship. His fur is ruffled enough. He’s gone, man. Solid gone.
7. American Werewolf
An American Werewolf in London
Tourists, eh? Coming over here, turning into monsters, rampaging through our Capital city. Yep, ‘The Special Relationship’ suffers something of a setback when American backpacker David is bitten by a werewolf on the English moors. It’s not long before the poor guy realises that surviving the attack wasn’t such a blessing after all. Come the full moon and David transforms into something that looks cuddlier and cuter than any self-respecting monster should. Like Baloo with attitude. And motivation. And a serious case of the munchies. On the plus side, he gets to have sex with Jenny Agutter, thereby repairing Anglo-American relations.
As werewolves go, this one ranks among the most fluffy and endearing. I mean, look at him. If you can ignore the slavering jaws of death and evil eyes, he’s actually just a big, furry bundle of cuddles. Or is that just me?
6. King Kong
Who’s the Daddy? Kong! 50-ft of simian testosterone, King Kong is the man’s man. Well, the gorilla’s gorilla. Striding through the jungles of Skull Island like he owns the place, beating up anything that gets in his way, Kong is the guy you always say ‘yes’ to. Best call him Mr. Kong, just to be on the safe side. Like most men, however, he loses half his brain at the sight of a good-looking woman, falls into a trap, ends up relocating and then takes a fall. You definitely won’t see this guy wearing an ‘I ♥ NY’ T-shirt. Still, look at his face. He’s all loved-up and happy. Bless.
When it comes to square footage of fur, there’s no beating Kong. Sure, he could probably use a bath and a blow-dry, but shower gel costs are a bitch when you’re 50-ft-tall. If you can stand the smell, then nuzzling into Kong’s hairy palms can be pretty cozy.
The undisputed champion of kid scares at Monsters Inc., James ‘Sulley’ Sullivan is an idol to monsters everywhere. The screams that Sully elicits from human children provide vast amounts of energy for the city of Monstropolis. But the kids are getting harder to scare, and Sully is getting a bit tired of being scary. Underneath all that growling and snarling is a sensitive, caring ball of azure goodness. He doesn’t even care that his best friend is a green sphere with one eye. Now, that’s a 21st century kinda guy.
Let’s be clear about one thing here, Sully’s fur is gorgeous! Light, silky and impressively well-groomed, it just begs to be touched. Sully is a metrosexual monster, who clearly believes that your job shouldn’t define you and personal hygiene matters. Monsters just aren’t meant to be this inviting.
Chewbacca, ‘Chewie’ to his friends and ‘rebel scum’ to his enemies, is the ultimate best buddy. Trust me, with this Wookie looking out for you, you’re a made man. He’s loyal, fearless and, as long as you can understand Wookie, you’ll be able to share all kinds of private jokes in public. Standing over 7-ft tall, you’ll never lose him in crowds. You’re going to want this guy on your basketball team. Sometimes he’s a bit of a bad loser, but that’s a minor gripe. After all, he didn’t complain when Han Solo and Luke Skywalker got medals at the end of Star Wars, but someone apparently forgot his. I would have.
Fur, fur, everywhere. To some, Chewbacca is a ‘walking carpet’, but once you’ve had an enthusiastic embrace from this shaggy old giant, you’ll wonder how you ever did without. Once you’ve got your breath back, that is. Just remember, he’s not a bear. He’s a Wookie.
3. Puss in Boots
Dashing, elegant, charming and seething with Latin passion, Puss in Boots is everything a cat should be. And if his mix of charisma and panache doesn’t win you over, then Puss will turn on the big, dopey cat eyes and you will be powerless to resist. He’s a legendary assassin for hire and if this cat is after you then you’re in trouble. Unless, of course, you give him a belly rub. Then he’s putty. Puss is a master swordsman, horseman, singer, dancer and can lick himself in places humans can only dream about. Or is that just me again?
He’s a cat, and it’s a basic law of nature that there’s no fur like cat fur. Rich, soft, soothing and a classic ginger. Puss keeps his fur in impeccable condition with regular grooming sessions. And if you don’t like seeing him with his head shoved between his legs, don’t look. This feline scoundrel will always put cleanliness before godliness.
A truly inspirational figure for anyone who has dreams of rising above their given station in life. Remy is a rat with big talents and even bigger aspirations. He wants to be a chef. Sure, he could spend his life rummaging for scraps of food on the streets of Paris like the other rats, but what kind of a life is that? To Remy, food isn’t about survival. It’s about expressing your creativity, and Remy has plenty of that to go around. All he needs is a human assistant with a hat big enough to hide under. Anyone who finds rats unpleasant, or scary, needs to spend some time with Remy. Think of it as therapy. He. Is. Adorable. End of story.
For a lowly street rat, Remy’s fur is surprisingly appealing. It’s a nice shade of blue, unusual for any rodent, and has that shaggy look popular with boy bands and Brad Pitt.
This little Mogwai makes the ideal Christmas present, provided you follow the rules; don’t get him wet, keep him away from bright lights and never feed him after midnight. My advice is ignore the rules, otherwise you will be making a pretty dull movie. Gizmo is smart, funny and by far the cutest thing ever to walk the Earth on cute, stumpy little legs, with cute, big ears, a cute, squeaky voice and huge, CUTE, dewy eyes. Look up ‘cute’ in the dictionary and there will probably be a picture of Gizmo. Look up ‘comma’ and there will probably be a picture of me.
Gizmo models some attractive, two-tone fur. Get him wet and you’ll see that the newly born Mogwai that pop out of his back are nothing but a ball of the stuff. Aww, he’s so cute. He’s so damn cute you can fall into a diabetic coma just looking at him.